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Blending Families responds to the need for a book that explores step-parenting by starting with the marriage as the central relationship in a new blended family unit. Just as you are better able to help your child in an airplane emergency if you put your oxygen mask on first, you are better able to blend two families if you take care of the marriage first.
Starting with a discussion of attachment styles, the authors explore how those styles translate into the new family unit when trying to forge a new marriage while parenting tween and teen children in a family unit that is new to them as well. They provide parenting guidance premised on the fact that parenting occurs within a context, and in this case, a context that is unfamiliar territory for everyone involved. Using true stories throughout, they explore the variety of challenges that may arise, such as sibling rivalry, puberty, dating, emotional and intellectual differences, and preferential treatment, and offer suggestions for overcoming obstacles to fully blending. By focusing the light on the marriage as the most important source of stability, the authors encourage readers to develop a style of parenting that works for everyone and brings a sense of unity and strength to the household.
From the Publisher
Blending begins with the couple
Key Challenges to the Blending Process:
1. Putting the couple first.
2. Resolving parenting differences.
3. Communicating stability to the children.
4. Setting the boundaries of stepparenting.
5. Establishing equality where there is inequality.
The biggest challenge to the blending process is a union that allows the personal relationship of the couple to take a back seat to parenting. It’s vital to keep the marriage in the front seat and keep the kids in the back.
Preteens can change quickly
Stepparenting Issues with Preteens:
1. The growing need for autonomy.
2. The continuing need to interact regularly with parental figures.
3. The need to feel respected as almost-grown-up people, not ‘little kids’
4. The need for confidence-builders.
5. The need for you not to be an embarrassment.
Even when a child’s life is stable, in moving toward puberty, a certain kind of lightheartedness-silliness-is probably the first to go. Events like divorce between parents would probably hasten the loss of silliness, but it’s bound to happen anyway. A stepparent can sometimes help the parent in noticing seriousness creeping in. It’s not the time to spotlight it through fussing or distract from it by entertaining. It’s the time to pay attention to feelings about changes-changes in the child’s circumstances, relationship, activities, and body.
Blending Do’s And Don’ts
A Sampling of Blending DOs and DON’Ts Do’s
– Do learn from your family history how the dynamics of your family or origin shaped how you interact.
– Do listen as much as you talk with your partner. Give your partner full attention.
– Do acknowledge your partner when he or she makes a valid point in a discussion, even if you don’t agree with it.
Don’ts
– Don’t blame your parents or your partner’s parents for challenges you’re having.
– Don’t act like what you have to so say is more important that what your partner has to share with you.
– Don’t talk to your partner as though you are always right. ‘Being right’ has got to be a shared experience.
Publisher : Rowman & Littlefield (November 15, 2017)
Language : English
Paperback : 174 pages
ISBN-10 : 0810895684
ISBN-13 : 978-0810895683
Item Weight : 8.8 ounces
Dimensions : 6 x 0.44 x 9 inches
